So, Mrs. White is at it again. She got wordy with one of my favorite authors and then offered to buy me lingerie and let me have a few extra hours with her Robporn collection if I'd post this extended piece of awesomeness for her.
Mrs. White – Hey edwardsbloodtype, thanks for coming over today to ogle the neighbor guy with me. I do love it when he trims those hedges.
edwardsbloodtype – *peers outside* He’s pretty hot. My neighbor is bald and fat and makes his wife mow the lawn. I’ve never been on the west coast except for a layover to Hawaii, so it’s nice to be here. Layover’s don’t count though.
MW – No, that doesn’t count. Hey, who were you on the phone with?
EBT – Suzy, my beta.
MW - Speaking of Suzy, she told me to ask you when she’s getting her raise and vacation time because dealing with all that’s gone down in recent chapters has her considering a career change.
EBT - I’m just gonna snort and tell Suzy how cute she is. No, but seriously, the story wouldn’t be half as good if it weren’t for her additions, outtakes and the availability of her to talk to me every single day. She is awesome in so many ways, and I am lucky to have her.
MW – Hmmm, you two are so cozy together…it’s kinda hot. So, how did you get started in fan fic?
EBT – Yeah, uh I don’t swing that way…well, unless there’s tequila involved. After the ultimate disappointment when BD ended, I went online, having heard there was more, (SM’s outtakes and whatnot). I had read a story that took up where Stephenie Meyer faded to black in the BD honeymoon scenes, in which I can’t recall the name. From there I found a couple of fics that were alternate universes but still vampire centric. And then I discovered All Human stories and it opened up a whole new world. At first I didn’t get it. I was like, “What’s the point…the key element is the vampires…” But then, I got it and I haven’t stopped. I think The Arrangement by manyafandom was the first AH and wow, is that a great place to start...talk about jumping right in!
As far as writing, I had this idea in my head for a simple reunion between Bella and Edward a few years after he leaves her, and I was scared to post. But it was a great experience, because not only did enough people read it to give me the confidence to be more courageous with my story ideas, but they were so supportive and encouraging AND I met my beta Suzy through that, which I honestly have to say, is the best thing I have gotten out of my whole Twilight obsession. She is my bestie and I love her and she makes my stories complete.
MW – *makes note to self to stock up on tequila* Oh, that’s kinda special. So I thought I’d make us a little treat. What’s your favorite item on a relish tray?
EBT - Pickles…hee hee.
MW – Hmmmm, yum. And your favorite desert?
EBT - Anything chocolate, could be chocolate covered poo, don’t care.
MW – Well, maybe these chocolate covered pickles aren’t too bad an idea then. So, what are your favorite fic’s?
EBT - I have many, for different reasons. Clipped Wings and Inked Armor is written in such a way that it feels effortless and genuine and her characters, though I don’t think any of us can truly relate to them, have a darkness and passion that we can empathize with. Tropic of Virgo by In A Blue Bathrobe, is sheer beauty to me, and I loved her characters ability to speak and connect through poetry. The Lost Boys by Hwimsey was the most original fic I have ever read. Her writing is almost old fashioned and lyrical. That story was so well done. Emancipation Proclamation is another that I feel is original, unpredictable and very well written. How To Save A Life by Unholy Obsession, is very real, and written in a way that is seamless and engaging. I could go on for days.
MW – Nice. Do you have anything pierced?
EBT - Just my ears. If my boobs were still in the same place they were ten years ago I would get my nipples done. Now the rings would just weigh them down further and lord knows we don’t need that.
MW – I hear that, though I have some nice corsets that keep mine in place. When’s the last time you bought lingerie?
EBT- *snorts* 2001.
MW – Okay, so we’re going shopping after this. I just got my alimony check for the month; we can give neighbor guy a little show when we get back. How did you come up with the ideas for you stories?
EBT – *looks out the window at said neighbor guy, hence becoming totally distracted* Oh, um… what was the question? Right, so I’ll Be Your Lover Too was just a way for me to see if I could write smut, and the story line sort of evolved chapter by chapter without a set plan. With High Anxiety, I had come across an article about a corrupt judge and then the idea of a restraining order kind of came into play then because I wanted to see if I could hold the audience’s attention without having any (or little) smut in the story. I must say I am thoroughly impressed at how long the readers have held out. It also makes for tremendous pressure to have B& E’s first time nothing other than stellar.
MW - If you could get it on with any character from one of your stories, who would it be and why?
EBT - Oh definitely HA Edward, simply because even though he’s inexperienced, he’s craving the affection and with his OCD, you know he’s gonna want to do it repeatedly until he gets it perfect.
MW – Oh goodness, is it getting hot in here? *fans self* No? Okay, um how does it make you feel when people gush over you and your stories?
EBT - Without sounding like a total jerk, I hate it and love it at the same item. It embarrasses me and I am uncomfortable being in the spotlight, but by the same token, it is thrilling and really kind of cool to have people waiting on my next word. I secretly enjoy the power. *rubs hands together and laughs maniacally*
However, because this is relatively anonymous, not having to show my face and being able to sit here and do this at six am in my husband’s bathrobe, it makes it tons of fun. The thing is, I am not an egotistical person. In the fandom there is a distinct hierarchy between the readers and the authors and then again amongst those specific groups. I group myself in with the readers- I am just here to enjoy an escape from the mundane, doing what I enjoy doing. It is an absolute honor to hear that someone liked my story, as well as having them share their own experiences with me. I get a kick out of someone who tells me they heard a song that reminded them of HA or that a chapter stuck with them for days.
MW – Hmmm, interesting. So do you listen to music while you write?
EBT – I need quiet when I write. I am always in the car, so the music I listen to definitely inspires me. I keep a notebook in the car as well, to jot down ideas and songs that I hear.
MW - How did you choose your pen name?
EBT - It was one of the few clever Twilight related things I could come up with that wasn’t taken, but in hindsight I wish I would have used something non Twilight related.
MW – Well, let’s see…quick, what’s your favorite fruit and soda?
EBT – Kiwi, and I don’t drink soda, but I guess root beer is good.
MW – Kiwi Rootbeer… No? Yeah, not nearly sexy enough. So, who is your favorite character to write?
EBT - Oddly enough, Edward. I would think channeling a sixteen year old boy would be the farthest thing from my capabilities since I haven’t been that age for some time now, and I am definitely not a male, nor do I understand (or like at the moment) the species as a whole. But I think he flows better and more readily for me than Bella does. I guess because Edward is what I had wanted in a boy at that age? I like to curse, so maybe that’s why, I have no idea.
MW – I think it’s illegal to “channel” sixteen year old boys. Well, I know it is in this state. Don’t ask how I know. Hey, have you ever been to China?
EBT – Um, no. That was random. And I’m in New York. There aren’t a lot of laws here regarding, uh…”channeling.”
MW – *winks* Yeah, I know. Which Twilight saga book is your favorite? And what’s your opinion on Breaking Dawn?
EBT - I think Twilight has to be my fave. It’s where it all started. It’s where they fell in love and that to me is the best part, because I am a romantic. BD was disappointing. I feel as though because Bella got everything she wanted and then some, it ended too fairy tale like. No one was suffering. It frustrated me, because she didn’t have to make any sacrifices as everyone else did. I also would have liked to have seen some more bloodshed between the Vamp showdown which I thought was anticlimactic and boring considering all the buildup. I mean…all that and Bella’s powers turn out to be a stupid shield. She should have been able to shoot silver bullets from her nipples or something cool like that.
Oh, and don’t get me started over the cut out sex scenes and her begging her own newly devirginized husband to do it on their honeymoon. You know if that were real, Edward would have been tapping that shit like crazy, no whining.
MW – Hmmm, honeymoon scenes… What color are your sheets?
EBT - Sage green with Sharpie marker designs all over them.
MW – Nice. If you could give one piece of advice to a new author, what would it be?
EBT - One? Pssssh. Get a beta that is good at grammar and punctuation. You can have a great story, but if the mechanics of it are poor, no one is going to read it. Also…do your research. The internet is a wealth of information, and the story will be so much better if your facts are straight. Lastly, write what you want to write. Be brave, take chances, go out on a limb, and don’t be intimidated by threats to flounce.
MW – K, rapid fire time. Ready?
EBT - Is it sad that I want to go to Forks? I mean really want to go to Forks, like I would love to get a mass fan fiction trip going. That would be awesome! They should rent out Jake’s house to tourists.
MW - That would be cool!
EBT – I have no excuse at all, I just wanna go. It looks really pretty there. I have a reader from there who says it’s like Podunk.
MW – What, no malls?
EBT – No, very folksy.
MW – Huh, probably hard to find a good g-string. Okay, if you could be on any reality TV show, what would it be?
EBT - Jersey Shore. * snorts*
MW - How many purses do you have?
EBT - Around 15 or so. The good ones I rotate seasonally or by occasion. But I am a shoe girl. I had close to 250 pairs of shoes before my house burned down. Now I have maybe 100.
MW - Do you ever wear headbands?
EBT – LOL! I am not allowed. I have pictures of me in high school that I have a color coordinated one on in every single picture. I also have giant late eighties hair. In the pictures...not now. The perm should totally make a comeback.
MW - What’s the last magazine you read?
EBT - Details.
MW - Which Disney Princess most closely resembles you and why?
EBT - Oh God, probably Cinderella before she meets the fairy Godmother. I am all sweet and girly on the inside but feel like a dirty slave on the outside.
MW – Unggggg…Details photo spread and dirty slaves… Hmmm, okay, enough of that. Hey look, neighbor guy is trimming the hedges along my fence. I may need to find a way to repay him for that.
EBT – Buttsecks?
MW – Maybe… I just wanna play with him for awhile and then come home by myself.
EBT - ME TOO. That’s how life should be - fuck me and leave me alone. And you can print that. Oh, and the guy should pay for stuff and take out the garbage.
MW – Do you buy trash bags with a draw string or with the tie flaps?
EBT – Oh, draw string for sure.
MW – Right on Sista’ Couga’ Friend! What is your favorite ALMOST curse word?
EBT - Peen. I would work it into every conversation if it weren’t so inappropriate.
MW – Speaking of peen, did you see Dear John?
EBT – Not yet. I have the book, but have yet to open it. Last movie I saw in a theater was New Moon.
MW - Holy Hannah, Channing Tatum is HOT in a uniform. Oh goodness...
EBT – I KNOW!!!!!! Even with a broken peen. :D
MW – Speaking of totally hot guys, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
EBT - “Wow, you are much thinner here in Heaven that you were on earth. You’ve been a good, kind person during your time there, so here’s the keys to your waterfront mansion and 24 hour access to Chocolate Twizzlers, and porn. Oh, and once Rob meets his demise, I’ll direct him straight to your playroom.”
MW - Ahhh, Rob in a playroom… That would be Heaven. So how about some reader questions?
EBT – Yeah, get on that.
MW – Ohh, here’s a good one. AnotherJenny from Twilighted asked - Is Charlotte going to play a roll in this eff'ed up situation turning around, or is it going to come from some other angle?
EBT – The answer to that will be revealed in chapter thir…wait is that your Robporn collection? It’s huge!
MW – Yes, well I like things… huge. So how about another one. Maplestyle from Twilighted wants to know - How hard was it for you to post your very first fanfic story? Did it make you really nervous or was it something that you were just able to do?
EBT - I was scared shitless when I posted the first chapter of my first story, and shaking with fear and excitement when I read the first review. It is a really big thing to put your work out there, especially when there is so much outstanding writing in the fandom to compare it to. It’s hard not to feel inadequate, but if I look at my first story and what I have now, comparatively, the writing has improved substantially, so it’s very cool to see the progression. I still get nervous when I post a chapter. But now it’s because of all the angry PM’s I get. It’s okay, its still cool.
MW - Oh, I don't know if my friend ever told you this in a review (she's not great at leaving them *ehem, you know who you are*) but that scene you had of him pitching, with Carlisle and Emmett watching, she said for her it was one of the best FF scenes she's ever read.
EBT – Aww, that’s awesome. Funny cause I didn’t write that, Suzy did!
MW – Really? She loved it. Well, she said something along the lines of it being one of the most honest and just beautiful scenes she's read.
EBT - I have no experience with sports, so I asked her to take the reins and then I added my style to it, but that was all her.
MW - Cool, she did good. It was a good scene, I liked it.
EBT - Me too, I was thrilled with it.
MW - I think my friend was crying, and she doesn't cry often at fic’s.
EBT – Awwwww, that’s so nice. I cried too.
MW – Oh look, neighbor guy is right outside the window. I’m sure he knows we’re in here, wants to see what we’re wearing. We need to get over to that lingerie store so we can show him a few things.
EBT - I can’t wait! I need some smut!
MW - I'm so excited for it now... Ohhhh... Yeah, there has to be smut.
EBT – Good things to come…
MW – Hey, speaking of things to come… *giggles* So you working on anything new?
EBT – Yup, wanna know?
MW - Yes!!!
EBT – Well, Edward and Rosalie are…
MW - *glances outside* What the…
EBT – Don’t roll your eyes!
MW – No, look. Neighbor guy is holding something up in the window, I think it’s recording our conversation. He’s trying to sneak High Anxiety spoilers!
EBT – WHAT??
MW - *Jumps up and runs to the window, reaching out and grabbing neighbor guy by the glorious, thick dark brown hair that’s poking up in all directions* What are you doing?
NG – They made me do it! All those hotties over at Twilighted, they bribed me with scantily clad pictures of themselves and cupcakes if I’d get them some information on that story you’re talking about. I just really love cupcakes. And vanilla frosting…
MW – Oh really? Frosting huh?
EBT – *Approaches window after adjusting her cleavage* Hmmm, you and your vanilla need some hot sauce, my friend.
MW - *Exchanges looks with EBT* Oh, well I think we can handle that. Meet us in my hot tub, boy, ten minutes, and bring tequila. You got that?
NG - *Looks back and forth between MW and EBT* Oh hell yeah!
MW – Yeah, I think it’s time to finish this interview. Things are about to get very M rated up in here.
EBT - *watches as neighbor guy runs off toward his house* I didn't bring my swimming suit.
MW - *quirks eyebrow* I wasn't planning on wearing one.
EBT – Awesome…
The fact that your alter ego is hitting on you is hilarious. Again, this was so much fun. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAlter ego? I don't know WHAT you're talking about! Mrs. White has clearly given you too much tequila and hot tub time, I think she's trying to wear you down. :D
ReplyDeleteThank YOU!! You were wonderful, as always. :)